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Why High Self-Esteem is Good for a Poker Player
Poker coaches and high rollers — including Phil Hellmuth himself — regularly remind players of the importance of staying humble, restrained, and realistic in assessing their abilities. Comments on X (Twitter) show that their words are often misunderstood as an instruction to foster low self-esteem. However, in reality, it is high self-esteem and the ability to use it correctly that lead to success for poker players and others in intellectual fields.
In this article, we will explain why high self-esteem is good for poker and what to watch for so that it doesn’t distort your reality.
Why You Shouldn’t Confuse Ego and Self-Esteem
Although people often confuse ego, self-esteem, and even conceit, perceiving them as the same phenomenon, they have significant differences in psychology.
The founder of analytical psychology, Carl Jung, uses the term “ego” in “The Tavistock Lectures” to describe the collective consciousness of a person in its entirety — the ability to be aware of oneself as a living being with a body, a set of ideas and memories, as well as the perception and analysis of external information. Essentially, the ego is your psyche, determining desires, motives, and fears.
Self-esteem, on the other hand, is part of the ego’s work, the ability to consciously evaluate one’s actions, views, and decisions (primarily through reflection, the analysis of one’s experiences), to respect oneself, and to change self-perception based on subjective feelings of competence and personal dignity.
For simplicity:
- Ego = “I am a man, a poker player, I dream of becoming a top regular, I fear failure.”
- Self-esteem = “I am a good player, I succeed / fail at many things, I am capable of analysis,” and so on.
What Types of Self-Esteem Exist?
Self-esteem is typically divided into three types with the following characteristics:
Low (Negative) Self-Esteem
- Valuing others’ opinions and views as more important than one’s own
- Constant feeling of unworthiness compared to others
- Emphasizing one’s flaws and downplaying virtues
- Fear of mistakes and belief in others’ superiority
- Tendency to see oneself as guilty even in clearly coincidental situations
High (Positive) Self-Esteem
- Valuing others’ opinions and views as equal to one’s own
- Understanding and accepting one’s right to receive something on par with others or not receive it if there are valid reasons
- Acknowledging and accepting one’s virtues and flaws without focusing on either
- Accepting mistakes as part of the path to the goal, balanced perception of one’s and others’ abilities
- Taking responsibility for one’s mistakes and clearly separating them from circumstances
Overinflated (Negative) Self-Esteem
- Valuing others’ opinions and views as inferior to one’s own
- Constant feeling of one’s significance and having broader rights compared to others
- Downplaying or ignoring one’s flaws while emphasizing virtues
- Confidence in one’s superiority, giving the right to criticize others from a position of arrogance
- Blaming one’s mistakes on bad luck, others’ mistakes, or circumstances
How Poker Players Assess Themselves
A 2014 study “All-In or Bad Beat: Professional Poker Players and Pathological Gambling” assessed impulsiveness and self-esteem levels among three groups of online players — professionals, amateurs, and pathological gamblers — and compared them with the general population. The results for self-esteem showed:
- Poker pros have on average 9% higher self-esteem than amateurs and 1% higher than the general population.
- Problem gamblers have on average 55% lower self-esteem than poker pros, 57% lower than amateurs, and 56% lower than the general population.
Researchers also noted that online poker attracts people with varying levels of self-esteem, but it becomes a professional activity more often for those with high or overinflated self-esteem. However, overinflated self-esteem at the start of entering the game often leads players to negative experiences, which in the long run contributes to a drop in self-esteem and the development of pathological gambling.
Advantages of a Poker Player with High Self-Esteem
According to a review article from Weber University’s Counseling and Psychological Services Center, high self-esteem is considered the healthiest option because its owner:
- Is confident in their abilities but does not overestimate them
- Sets realistic goals and expects realistic results
- Is not prone to excessive self-criticism or criticism of others — respects themselves and others
- Better copes with stress and failures, not allowing them to change self-perception
- Is prepared for mistakes and can objectively assess their significance depending on the situation
- Is interested in self-development and understands the non-absoluteness of their knowledge
- Recognizes the difference between their own mistake, failure, and others’ actions
- Takes responsibility for their decisions and protects themselves from imposed guilt
A person with high self-esteem can also abstract from their own emotions when evaluating events or someone’s actions, avoiding generalizations and prejudices.
The Danger of Overly High Self-Esteem
Constantly fueled by successes and praise, high self-esteem has the risk of becoming overinflated, which can cause a player many problems — according to Phil Galfond, it:
- Creates the illusion of superiority over opponents — “I am better than him, and him too, everyone at this limit/in this game” — which pushes the player to move up limits or enter games for which they do not actually have the skills, knowledge, or other required characteristics
- Hinders the realization of lacking something, thus preventing proper learning
- Increases the tendency to tilt, irritability, and anger in situations of failure, as the player considers themselves worthy of constantly winning spots
- Disrupts healthy worldview, preventing seeing others’ virtues and one’s flaws — makes a person stubborn, rigid (unable to change), and prone to complacency
- Encourages the player to openly criticize opponents’ actions, telling them why they shouldn’t play like that
How to Raise Low Self-Esteem
- Identify negative thought patterns. Regularly record your thoughts and assessments in various situations — like Phil Hellmuth does, reactions to losses and wins, and subsequent actions. Then try to separate feelings (your perception) from facts (description of events) and break down the situation — look at it not only from a negative but also from a positive side.
- Don’t compare yourself to others. Different people have different pasts, personal abilities and skills, health, worldview, and current reality. Dan Bilzerian came to poker with pockets full of his father’s business money. Phil Ivey and Daniel Negreanu started playing poker long before the solver boom. Tom Dwan has repeatedly ridden the train of debt obligations on his way to success. Comparing yourself to others often means comparing everything you know about yourself with a small part known about another person. This creates a false picture of the world and distorts adequate self-perception. For self-esteem, it is better to compare yourself to your past self before taking any actions than to compare with others.
- Take care of yourself. This includes not only taking care of your health but also paying attention to your needs and desires, and regularly praising yourself for the right actions and good decisions, along with analyzing mistakes without self-flagellation. Keeping a journal describing your actions for the day and recording gratitude to yourself for them can help.
- Learn to say “no.” Not only to others but also to yourself. Forcing yourself to do something unpleasant and unnecessary trains your mind to neglect personal discomfort for someone else’s comfort or immediate benefit. This leads to a drop in self-esteem due to shifting priorities in favor of others.
- Start taking risks. This does not mean engaging in risky behavior that threatens life or health — you need to try doing something new, overcoming the fear of mistakes and failures, to teach your brain not to be afraid. A close person you trust can be a good helper in this, especially if they also play poker or support you in this path.
